Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
whose parrot is this?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
