In America we eat man semen.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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