so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
