All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
