its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
