Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
