She is in my trunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
