There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
