I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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