I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
