what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
