i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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