Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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