He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
