smell my finger.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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