Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
