My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
