hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
