I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im holly from the hills drunk
pop tarts are not kleenex
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me I should be a condom model.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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