It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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