i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
