singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
