She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
