do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
