There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just tell him i said nine months
im holly from the hills drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
