dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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