And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
