Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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