I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found puke in my bra..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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