I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
