I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
