I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
