drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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