I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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