seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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