i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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