so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
