she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
