I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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