I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Text me some of your sweat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
