So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Randomize
