I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
