oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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