I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
