hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
