Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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