i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
