I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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