The maid of honor just puked.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
