I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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