Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
