Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
